Silver lining

Every cloud has one, and I am pretty good at finding it in even the worst thunderclouds.

Mstr A's suspension was a pretty ugly cloud, but it did make me decide to be a bit proactive and get some help. First off, the return to school interview was very good, with a bit more explanation about what actually happened from the school, and no difficulties agreeing the best ways forwards. Now we have that "violent behaviour" tick box ticked, we may even be able to get him properly statemented and apply for some funding for the school to get hi more one-to-one time.

I also spent friday afternoon looking into what help might be available to us. If was a fiarly unfruitful search in that there was a lot of "you may be entitled to..." and "some people can get...", but it did culminate in me contacting social services to see what they could offer.

Sadly, they haven't answered. I mean, it's only been a week since I emailed saying that I didn't now where to turn with a violent son & disabled husband, no money and two younger children to care for...... I've been told that the only way to get an answer is to personally turn up, with kids in tow, and annoy them until they do something about it! I may have to get round to that some time, but I don't feel like it right now tbh!

However, having decided that if we're going to get social services involved in any way, we might as well get them involved in every way, I also contacted the disabilities team about getting a carer's assessment for me. They seemed a bit confused as to whether I cared for an adult or a child, as different teams do the assessments, but today I spoke to a ver sensible woman who agreed I cared for both and therefore either needed a joint assessment or two separate assessments - depending on what the teams liked best. So I am waitng to hear back from them.

I also discovered that I don't have to wait for social services to refer me on to other things, and self referred myself to the local Children's Centre and applied for a family support worker. I don't know what they can offer, but some suport would be welcome:) I think I only qualify for that because of the younger kids, but it may well help Aggie out during the summer holidays.

Finally, although work was not overly impressed by the whole situation, they also did let me have the time, and let me take leave at short notice to attend the meeting at the school. Although I did mention that I was a carer before this, it has made it very official - which will make it easier when I ask for some carers leave later in the year to attend the National Autistic Society's course on managing ASD's. I'm hoping they might let me swap my days for the ten weeks, as carers leave is unpaid, and I need the money. But we'll see.

So now it's just a matter of waiting for everyone to get back to me and see what help they might be able to offer. And see where they suggest we go next....

Much better

I am feeling much better now I'm part time. A two day week this week was great:-) I ws able to collect the kids form school yesterday and check in with Mstr A's teacher, which I haven't been able to do for ages. I now Aggie did, but I wnt to be involved too!

Plus I spent the day getting a load of shopping and stuff sorted out, and still had time to cook supper, have a chat to the kids then get ready and walk to college - which I could sit through without falling asleep:-)

today has been taken up with getting ready for the first re-enactment of the season over the weekend. Snow is forecast, so I've been busy making sure we have every bit of clothing & kit possible, as well as quickly running up new dresses for the girls who have grown too much again! I've still got to make them nice new warm hoods, but hopefully can get tha done tomorrow.

It's the Easter fayre at school today, so I'll have to let them spend money to win back the eggs that I donated to the school last week! Then my mother is coming to visit for a day (probably with more eggs for the kids). I'm not sure what we'll do tomorrow - depends on the weather and what my mother fancies I suppose.

I'm off food sopping now - oh the excitement! But it needs to be done:-)

scrounger?

I have been off sick today. It's just a cold really - you know the type, the ones that make your head feel like it's stuffed with jelly, and ready to explode, your legs feel like they will collapse under you every time you put any weight on them, and your temperature alternate between hot sweats and cold shivers.... Too ill to mangae a commute in gale force winds and 8 hours of concentration, but not really ill enough to not feel guilty about it:-)

Anyway, it has forced me into making a decision. I don't think it would have been much of a poblem if I wasn't already so run down, and watching Aggie going about his daily chores has made me realise that I am never going to be satisfied with the situation as it is, and trying to do it all is just going to make me miserable. So when I go back to work (probably on Wednesday) I am going to have meeting with my personnel officer and ask if I can drop down to three days a week.

I expect I will lose the job, as I know the company does not like part time support staff (it's OK for lawyers apparently, which is how they got such a good reputation and all the quality mark awards etc). I suppose I could fight it under DDA because Aggie & Mstr A count as disabled, or even under standard employment law because LMB and LMD are under 5 and both of those give me the right to flexible working unless the company can give good business reasons why it would ruin them (which I think they would have difficulty in making a good case for) but it's not really worth it. It's not as though I adore my work, have decades of continous service to maintain or care that it might ruin my "career".

But if I lose this job, I may well have a long wait to find a suitable job locally. There are alot of people who want part time work, and not a lot of jobs available. if I work part time I can not get the same kind of child care funding, so I need to earn more per hour to not make a loss which cuts out most of the jobs that are available. And so the chances are, I will end up being non-employed, scrounging off the government. Does this make me a bad person?

I will be looking after three kids, one not at school yet, and one disabled, and a disabled husband. And we're well down the road of becoming foster parents again (having started 5 years ago, then discovered I was pregnant with LMB, then LMD!), so hopefully will be looking after some other kids in the summer. But I feel that I sould be doing something "proper". I feel that I will be cheating somehow. Rationally it is sensible, but I don't know if I want to be one of the non-working underclass.

But then again, I really don't want to be an absent parent. I had kids with every intention of bringing them up myself, and I've always thought it is horrible for both the kids and the parents whose days consist of beakfast club, followed by school, followed by after school club, followed by bed, with weekends taken up with housework/shopping etc and school holidays just a different type of schooling. I want my kids to grow up doing things with me, and to have memories of being a family! And I want them to be able to bring friends round to play, and to learn different activities, and at them moment that is not possible. Aggie can not physically do the things that I can, and especially with Mstr A, being able to do things too is the only way they will get to do them!

I am going to continue with my studies, and hope for a part time local job, but I know I am not getting any younger, and I can not guarantee I will ever have a career again. And I don't like that in theroy, but in practise, I think I will be much happier. So here's to yet another new phase of my life.......

Knackered

I have been on short days all week, starting at 10am and finishing at 4pm ish as it's been my induction week at the new company. Notonly have they been short days, but tbh, most of the stuff we learned was not that complicated - after all, I am capable of using word-processing, email, internet, audiotyping, spreadsheets, telephones and presentation sofware already. the only new stuff was the house document management system, and learning house styles for the documents and procedures for everything.

So how come I am so absolutely knackered?

Well, obviously apart from the fact that i didn't get much sleep on Sunday night because I was stressed, and commuting is new to me after such a long time, especially on the bike, and that the kids have got me up at least once each night all week, except last night when they managed a grand total of 5 wake-ups between them between midnight and 6am.......

bah.

Anyway, off to london this weekend to see the family - rearranged from next week which is half term, as i have to work now! It's my dads birthday nex week so Ill pop in to see him and thank him properly for the Xmas pressie - i didn't really do so at the time, it was all so unexpected:-) Now I can show him my bike and stuff and say thanks properly. Aggie has the kids at home all next week - which might be interesting.....

update

Hmm, whats happening around here?

Work is getting pretty catty, as everyone gets more and more desperate to find something else, while still holding onto their post until the last second to get their redundancy (doesn't apply to me, as I've not been there long enough but I'm the first out too....) . 2ic in the Family Dept wins the book on first to get another job - and a really good one at tha, which seems to have really pissed off some of the other staff. ho hum. Water off a ducks back as I said to her - and think of the pound signs rolling round each time they say something stupid.

I've got an interview on Weds for a clinical negligance post which could be interesting. i don't fancy land law, which seems to be the thing that everyone has vacancies for. The interview is for a temp post, but in a big company so possibly wit scope for something to come up if it works well. If not, having the summer holidays off doesn't sound too bad. Otherwise i've had some unecessaril cheerful recruitment people on the phone telling me how great my CVi s - but none of them have produced an interview, never mind a job, so I don't take too much notice of them. Although, tbh, I haven't decided whether I should get another job at the moment or not. on one side, I would like some continuity of work and to rack up my qulifying employment. on the other hand, I am not too happy about Aggie looking after LMD full time. I suppose it will basically be decided by what happens;-)

Mstr A and LMB started swimming lessons again today. LMB started off a bit nervously, but after 5 minutes was well into the whole concept and had a great time. She reveled in the praise from the teacher, and interacted well with the other kids. I reckon she'll go up a class in just one term she did so well. Mstr A has tried swiming lessons a couple of times before rather less sucesfully, so this time I booked him back into the centre I used to work at, which hs smaller classes - although it is further away. I chatted to the teacher first and she seemed quite confident (and knew what Asbergers was, which helps), and she did manage him pretty well. his attention wandered a few times, but he did stay with the class and seemed to learn something, so hopefullly his swimming will start to look a little nicer by the summer:-)

I'm off to London again this weekend to meet up with the siblings. If the trains manage to run in the morning. You'd think rain was unusual in Somerset the way they go on!

We're not flooded here, and it hasn't snowed, much to the kids annoyance!

Happy 2008

It's going to be a good year. I've decided! :-)

I could have done without the BBC pundits telling me that 2008 was going to be the worst year for over a decade for redundancies, and that eveeryone was going to be letting staff go, but no-one wold be taking on. Thanks. I get to be the first statistic of the year then? Or perhaps I can sneak in there before they all realise:-) still, those same pundits have been giving dire warnings about the "credit crunch" and falling house prices for years, without the country seeming to actually turn any of it into actuality at all!

But all in all, I've had a pretty good lead up to 2008. Certainly it's shaping up better than 2007 was at the same point last year! Aggie is finally retired so we can make proper plans as to how we are going to be living in the future. It certainly means I have more options available work-wise, as I am not tied to school times any more. Money wise we will obviously be getting much less in (although more than when he was getting nothing!), but we have paid off almost all our debts except the mortgage, so we can budget what we do have better. As long as i get a job, we should survive! I'm going to have to relaly crack on with looking now the holidays are over.

The festive period has gone rather well really, even considering LMB's bloodied head - which she had near enough fogotten all about by the next morning anyway. I got a rather nice knife from Aggie which I can threaten him with all summer:-) We went off to the Crazie party on Thursday night and I recieved more books to read and a films to watch, and an unexpected gift from Naomi (Old Old Lady of the Hills) which was such a surprise and so doubly nice! I never really expected to make friends in the blogosphere, let alone make a "profit" out of it:-)

Then we spent the long weekend at my mother's in London. The kids were all well behaved. I had plenty of time to catch up with family news. I got called beautiful for the second time in just a few months by one of my mother's friends - which is nice, if a bit weird:-0 And my father decided to give away a small fortune as his Cristmas present to all his kids, wiping out the debt I still owe him from when we bought the car, and giving us enough of a lump sum to pay off our bank loan, and put enough aside to cover any unexpected major purchases that may come up. So when the car started playing up yesterday I just thought, "never mind, we'll have to get that sorted" rather than getting dead stressed about what we were going to do. It was a lovely feeling!

Also, my mother was rather nice to Aggie this weekend. Perhaps, after 15 years, she has finally decided to accept him:-) What is the world coming to? AND, we saw Aggie's brother and his family yesterday, and the chioldren lll played togethyer without problems, or even noise for a couploe of hours! This is amazing because despite the fact that Mstr A and boy cousin K are only a few weeks different in age, they are as bdifferent in temprement and outlook as possible, and previous metings have always ended in tears - from both boys and within minutes usually. Girl cousin K has always loved playing with the girls, but now they are old enough to be played with properly she was able to take them off and keep them occupied the whole time. Cool!

Last night we just stayed in with a couple of friends and drank a lot, played a stupid board game, drank a lot more, and stayed up much to late (well, early) . which was fine, but now it's morning, and the kids all want to do stuff;-( Bah!

The doctor did it.

It was all going so well......

The presents were opened. We had made it to Nanny A's without mishap, and with the trifle, lemon merrangue and meat al in one piece and still hot/cold as required. The dinner was cookeed well, on time, and not in ridiculous amounts. The children had even eaten some real food:-)

More presents were opened when the adults were fully stuffed, and Mstr A was quietlplaying with his 20Q, LMB with her new DS and LMD with her bouncing tigger while the adults watched Shek2, Shaun the sheep and half of Nemo. why we watched the kids films is a good question - but we did. LMd was a little sick on all the sweets, but that is par for Xmas when you are 2:-) And i was only a litle.

I had intended to head home at about 5.30 to ensure we were home in time for Dr Who, but Grandad J was off to work just about that time, so we said we'd stay with Nanny A and watch Dr ho with her, then head home late, so the kids could sleep in the car. 6.45pm arrived, and we sent the girls pstairs to watch children's TV, and us older people settled down to the only really important viewing of the day.

Unfortunately, 10 minutes later, the girls reappeared. Beebies finishes at 7pm! Usually this is good. They sing "night night"and everyone goes to bed knowing they are missing nothing important. Today a 7pm finish was bad. Very Bad. "shhhhh. go play in the back room" I shushed quickly, fixated on the Titanic.

Bang. crash. Whinge. cry. cuddle. bang. argue. bang the door again. I watch Kylie break down in tears and suggest they shut up and play upstairs instead. Off they go. back they come. hey bounce in front of the TV a few times. "GO UPSTAIRS" I yell, and they scamper up to Nanny A's bedroom, where I leave them to their own devices and settle back down to the telly. All is well until 8pm. just as kylie is acting all eroic like, and the whole word is about to be destroyed there is an almighty thump and as I leap up in alarm, the first siren wail of real pain.

I get upstairs to find LMB crying her eyes out, while LMD looks on quite contentedly from where she has tucked herself up in bed. Eventually I get out of her that she hit her head on the radiator. It hurts "all over". Unable to confirm exactly how she did it, i calm her down with lots of cuddles, and have a good feel. I find a couple of large lumps, and cuddle hr some more. Finally Dr Who finishes and the others come up to see what happened. We move into the bathroom to give her some calpol, and I spot the blood:-(

We clean her up, and there is a 2cm cut. Quite deep. She must have hit the corner of the radiator. I put my professional head on, and decide there is not need to stitch it and she is showing no signs of concusion, so calpol and cuddles are all that is required. we bundle all the children up and head off home .

Not the finest end to Xmas day. But I blame the doctor for the whole thing. And I still don't know if the Earth surived!

Happy families

I'm not quite sure what has happened, but my kids all seem to be nice!

The girls have been playing really well together recently - happily going up to a bedroom to play when asked too! Mstr A hasn't had much of a tantrum for days - and I have even been able to talk him out of his tears reasonably easily. They were all wonderful at the re-enactment at the weekend - playing with bigger and smaller children, being (mostly) polite to the adults and going to bed with reasonably minimal fuss (they still woke at 6am, but you can't have everything in a tent). They each made friends and played well.

Mstr A has been doing really well at school too. We saw his teacher just before half term and she said that he mostly does his work at the allocated time, and has not had to be sent out of the classroom all term. He's had a head teachers award, and been voted lead speaker at the harvest assembly. He says the other children don't play with him at playtime still, but we're working on his understanding of rules - and personal space - still.

LMB doesn't seem to have learned anything whatsoever of academic use at school. But she seems to be having a great time there. She's been invited to two birthday parties, and had a couple of friends come and play. Her best friend is the little sister of one of Mstr A's best friends, which is great:-)

LMD is just the cutest little madam in the world. It's true - it's not just me who thinks so - everyone who meets her says how cute she is, and then she talks at them and they all ask to take her home:-) Although none of them do - even when I offer!

Aggie is settling into life at home - he's done well with the kids for the last week, taking them off to places and doing stuff with them. He's not been so great at understanding that housework still needs to be done, but perhaps he'll learn after I've moaned enough!

The family is just feeling a lot more settled all round really. And the many cuddles we get are fantastic. Having three kids is starting to make more sense at last:-)

The most family unfriendly?

We went out for a meal to celebrate me passing my exams tonight. we had all the kids with us, but I didn't fancy just another chain place, so we wandered down to the local Italian. Mstr A adores pasta, most kids eat it happily, Italians are noriously loud, friendly and family orientated. It seemed likethe perfect solution.

We went there for lunch when it first opened, shortly after we moved here, and found it friendly enough if not specifically orientated towards young children. We'v been for a couple of lunch-time meals since then - mostly in the winter when it's quiet:-) Aggie and Nanny A took mstr A there for lunch last week for his birthday, and he was enamoured. So when we arrived at The Mask of Venice at 6.05 this evening (just 5 minutes after it opens) we expected much of the same.

The waiter was a bit flustered that we hadn't booked. I looked arund the completely empty restuarant and wondered why, but h soon recoverd and we were seated at a nice table at the back of the restuarant. We sucessfully ordered srinks, including an expensive (for me) bottle of wine for me and Aggie. We asked for the starter Mstr A had a few days ago at lunch time, but despite it being a particularly asy dish to make (mozarella chesse on toast) and the menu specifying "if you do not see what you want on the menu please ask your waiter and our chef will do his utmost to assist", we were told that was impossible. But we managed to find another suitable starter, and main course for everyone.

While waiting for it to be cooked LMD fed her stuffed Tasha doll some bread. She asked me to cut Tasha her own piece - I didn't understand quickly enough and she wailed "cut it mummy". Immediately the chef sormed out of the kitchen, and asked us to make her quiet. By the time he arrived at the table she was already calming down as I cut her piece of bread up! I reckon she wailed for maybe a maximum of 30 seconds. there were NO OTHER customers in the restuarnat at the time.

i thought it was a bit rude, but ignored chef, and soon the food arrived. It was nice. maybe not £60 worth of nice, but nice.

A few more customers arrived - one other family with two small children, an older couple and two men drinking at the bar. The waiter came over - I thought he was asking of the food was OK, as it had been served only 10 mins earlier (and his English was not good), but infact he was asking if he could take the plates away. LMB had decided not to eat hers, and Aggie had finished as I was busy sorting out LMD I had barely started. he cleared LMB's & Aggies plate away while we were still eating. then came back for the glasses - almost snatching them out of LMD's hand, and loitering until I I shovelled the rest of my food in and let him take my plate too.

Once her plate was gone, LMD gt down from the table, and promptly bumped her head. She cried. Obviously. She's two! I picked her up and gave her a cuddle. By the time she made it onto my lap chef was there telling us to shut her up and she was disrupting the whole restuarant. Again, she cried for a maximum of 30 seconds. As far as I could see, no-one else noticed.

Overall, I never been made to feel so unwelcome in any establishment, ever. The Mask of Venice is a place to be avoided at all costs if you have children, or even just want to chat and have a laugh with a group of friends. I am amazed they are so keen to get rid of their local trade! And their main summer trade - weston is a family resort! Perhaps that is why it was so empty considering this is as high season as we get! I will certainly never go back, I would recommend any visitor to the town does not go, and I will be commenting on every website/review that i can find! as I said to the manager when we left, they should put a large sign in their window saying "family unfriendly". At least if they were truthful about it they might get a few customers who were looking for an adult only restuarant!

New beginnings

A quick update on what's been going on ....

Mstr A has been losing teeth like a six year old:-) Another bottom one gone, and the two top middle ones giving him the classic gappy look. He's delighted by th 50p the tooth fairy gives him each time (when she remembers - there have been some close calls where we've had to divert his attention for a few moments in the morning....), but apparently we woz done when we made the deal with our tooth fairy (that's what I told him when he asked if it would go up with each tooth!) as the average tooth is now worth £1.05. But since he doesn't actually spend his money on anything - possibly because we buy him everything he can possibly think of - it doesn't really matter!

He's also been growing non-stop - which means eating non-stop. He's now mostly in 7-8 year old clothes! Not bad for a 5lb baby that I was told (constantly) was underweight, not growing well enough, not thriving and would always be small. He'll be a junior in September, and despite being one of the youngest in his class, he's already one of the bigger kids. Shame he still reacts like a two year old to so many situations:-( Is nice to get hugs an kisses and know that mummy makes it better and he will believe everything I say still, but worrying to know that he still tries to get his own way by pushing other kids out the way. Especially as he has learned to lie like a two year old - ie: every time you do something wrong (or possibly wrong) lie about it, regardless of the fact that the lie is goijg to be found out immediately, then when found out, stick to your guns until your mother is ready to urder you where you stand. Of course, when you are two, you have the cuteness factor to mitigate this behaviour but Mstr A is nearly 7, and a hulking great monster......

Although finally we seem to be moving forwards with officaldom. He has a speach and language appointment on Thursday, and then there will be a professionals meeting to discuss the results of all the previous stuff. He does seem to be doing much better at school, both behaviourally (most of the time) and academically (in that he's doing the work at the right time and in the right place). Everyone at the school knows him by name, but they have a good attitude towards him - not allowing misbehaviour, but not expecting unrealistic behaviour either.

LMB is also on the cusp of growing up - she starts school in September. She will definitely be the youngest in her class as she only makes it into this year by a few hours, but again, she is such a lanky whatsit - already in 5 year old clothes even though she's not even 4 yet - that she will probably be one of the taller ones in the class. She went along to visit the school on Wednesday - which she loved. She can't wait to go back again. I couldn't attend - Aggie took her, but it is really sad to think of her at school already. I'm glad she's going, but time has really flown past! I still think of her as a little baby! 3 is not old enough to go to scho0l! Of course, she is even more impressed by the fact that Cousin G - nearly three months older than LMB - will not be startig school until January 2008. they have a two term intake in London, and Cousin G falls into the younger group so starts a term later:-)

Even LMD is growing up - definitely not a baby any more. Her vocabulary is exploding, and so is her stubborness! Although she certainly knows how to use her smile on adults to get what she wants! She looks like a tiny Dora the Explorer and is as bright as anything! No sign of losing the nappy's yet tho:-(

As for Aggie and me - same old same old. No answer yet from his work. I've booked in for my next year at college - although I don't really know why - I could earn more as a cleaner! I thought lawyers were supposed to be rich! The bloody postmen are on strike today because they only earn twice as much as me! Aggie has been getting on with sorting out some domestic stuff while he's een at home, so we are slowly getting the house a little bit sorted. But only a little! hopefully soon things will feel a little more settled.

wedding belles

We're back again - absolutely exhausted. The hotel was nice - we had a two bed apartment, which in theory meant we could put the kids to bed in the early evening, and still stay up chatting/watching TV/being adults on Friday night.

Of course, in practise, the flight was delayed, so we didn't get to the hotel till bed time, then we had to sort out food with Sister S & cousin G, and my cousin her hubby & baby J, by which time the kids were so over tired and over excited that getting them all to sleep in one room was a com plete impossibility! Finally, after I had threatened, cajoled, yelled and contemplated gagging them, we separated them into different rooms and they dropped off about 10pm. We then had to wait a while before putting them all back into the one room. And even then, one or another of them woke up fairly regularly through the night. Combined with the fact that I never sleep that well in a starnge bed, and that the hotel had left th heating on all day so it was sweltering, I was pretty knackered by Saturday morning.

The wedding went well. Sister A looked beautiful (of course), my mother cried (of course), the kids all behaved really well (amazingly) and everything went pretty much to plan. The ceremony itself was oly a few seconds really. They have taken out nearly all the legal stuff that used to be in the civil marriage vows, and as they did not add in much of their own stuff, it basically went "Do you want to get married?" "yes" "your married" Done! It's good that the civil ceremony no longer includes half the christian marriage vows as it did back when we did it (we were one of the earliest secular weddings outside of registry offices), but it seemed a bit of a let down after all the organisation to only say a few dozen words. We wrote 2 pages of vows, and it still seemed a bit quick:-)

Here's a rare chance to see a picture of me (and others) with the bride & groom, and the rest of the family. It was taken by a 9 year old child, so i think he did rather well - even though the bouquet seems to feature rather prominently:-0

Then there was a lot of hanging around, and a lot of photo's and a lot of hanging around and a lot of drinking. The official photo's are not ready yet (obviously), but I've posted some of our own to give you an idea of the day. The girls looked georgous - although LMD would not pose for any of the official pictures:-( And Mstr A was a cutie in his little waistcoat. He did pose for two photo's and then said he had done that, and disappeared for the rest of the time! Here's LMB, LMD and Cousin G looking away from camera! It was terribly difficult to get all three of them to stay in one place, and look at the camera AND smile all at the same time!

Next we had the meal - we were on the childrens table! OK, most of the children were ours..... but we also got sister S & cousin G, and the groom's son (a little older than Mstr A), which was a lot of kids for only three adults to keep an eye on. Of course, it did mean that we had all that wine for just three of us....... Actually, it went rather well. Clever sister A had given each child a little box of toys and games and bubbles etc which kept them fairly occupied, and we found a spacious corner for them to play in so they were not stuck sitting down through the speaches and stuff.

Then, finally, after a bit more hanging around, the disco started and the kids finally realised that weddings were fun:-) Here they all are bopping away - you can just about see baby J at the back tooThey had a lovely time dancing & sliding arund the dance floor until they pretty much dropped where they stood - here is LMB and cousin G asleep under the table:-)

Aggie took them back and put them to bed, and I carried on dancing till about midnight. That's pretty late for me nowadays - especially after little sleep the night before and even more so after drinking! We did get a lie in till 8am - but I'm feeling just a litle fragile now. I'm looking forward to an early night in my own bed - and rather surprisingly to getting back to work properly. It's been a month since i did a full week at work for various reasons, and it will be nice to settle back into normality again.

Although, it's Aggies birthday on Friday, so we've got another party weekend coming up..... ;-)

Wedding bells

My Sister A is getting married tomorrow, so we're all off to Ireland for the weekend. Mstr A is going to be an usher, and the girls are fower girls, with cousin G.

I don't get to go to many weddings (no-one seems to bother!), so it should be fun!

Back on Monday.

What to say?

I am a bit lost for words at the moment. I havn't even found anything of use in the news - usually a good fount of rants and raves.

But what can you say about the events in Virginia yesterday? 32 people dead for no reason whatsoever. My thoughts go out to their friends and reatives. I wonder how come the first information that was released about the gunman's identity was that he was an immigrant. He moved to the US aged 8. That makes him an American to all intents and purposes. i wonder about the fact that despite his know metal instability, worries about his comprehension of reality and previous compliants against him, he was able to buy a gun & ammunition without anyone blinking an eye. But more that anything, I wonder what you can say in answer to the assertion that it was not his having a gun that was the problem, but the fact that all the other students didn't, and therefore we should be arming all our students in order to ensure there are less shootings!

What can you say as yet another day brings yet more deaths in Iraq? When even the most optimistic reports put the death toll at 60,000 Iraqi's in 3 years, how can we even start to comprehend what is happening there? How can we justify what is happening there? How can we claim that Iraq is better now than it was before? Will we stay until the death toll surpasses that under Saddam Hussein - because right now we are easily equalling it on a daily average!

Even on a more personal note I am lost for words today. Mstr A has been showing every sign of being two years old - with the size and strength of a large 6 year old. He can be so wonderful at times, still hugging and kissing me, but as soon as I tell him to do something he turns into a screaming demon. It's exhausting.

I'm trying to work out how to tell my mother that I don't want to go to my second cousin's wedding in a couple of weeks. She got so excited when I said it would be nice to attend that she went off and made special arrangements. But I'm not happy about leaving Aggie on his own with the kids again for the weekend. He found it hard going last weekend, and is in a lot of pain now. And I'm not that bothered about attending the very religious Jewish wedding of someone I have not seen for ten years. In london. Over bank Holiday weekend. It would be nice, but not something i'm desperate to do.

Oh well. Enough words seem to have come to fill up a post. Perhaps I will feel more optimistic soon. At least I have some nice stats to back up my reasons for not wanting to return "home" to London and my mother. Where she lives has just ranked second from bottom of the best places in the UK for family life:-0

Brighton Rocks Pebbles

I've spent the weekend in Brighton, at my sister's hen night weekend. She doesn't live there, but her twin sister & best friend from uni/sister of fiance do, and as they are the chief bridesmaids, it was held there.

I don't really get the attraction of Brighton. The beach is just pebbles, the shops are mostly restuarants or bars, and everything is massively over-priced. I did see some nice stuff on the markets etc, but at approx triple what I would pay at home!

Anyway, the weekend went better than expected in most ways. I was a bit worried - all four sisters together is usually a recipe for disaster, especially with my mother added in:-) And hen nights are often a bit strained as they ahve such differing people attending. But we survived it all - and it wasn't as expensive as I feared either - mostly because a) we are all too old to party all weekend now, and b) my little sisters are stunningly dull!

Still, I managed to get my mothers hotel bill reduced by 50%, which was nice. Shame it wasn't my bill, but there you go.....

I'll fill in the details another time. It took 6 1/2 hours to get home the 200 miles by train! I reckon that's an average 35 mph *fron* I'm off to try to catch up on all the housework & laundry now!

Fools, fish and families

Happy April Fools Day.

I wasn't very impressed with BBC News' attempt this year - that teenagers attention spans were too short to play board games now, so all the traditional games were launching quick versions, playable in less than 20 mins. It was so easy to spot:-(

Although Aggie found a funnier one online here:-)

My mother's been visiting this weekend. It mostly went OK. She arrived (late) on Friday evening, so by the time we'd fed her, then put the kids to bed, there was only a couple of hours to chat. She mosty talked about my sister and whether her ex would actually leave on his deadline of th end of the month, and what sister S should do if he didn't. I diplomatically pointed ut that it was sister S's decision what to do, when to do it, and how to carry it out, which she kind of accepted. I think.

I had a horrendous night, as LMB was ill, and woke up coughing and wheezing at about 11am. I stayed with her till midnight, when her temperature had stabilised a bit, but I was still up and down with her every few hours. LMD happily interpersed those brief moments of sleep with her "Grandma's staying i need some attention" crying, and combined with my mother's midnight maraunderings around the house (I wake whenever I hear someone on the stairs), I doubt I actually hit REM sleep at any point during the night:-(

Still, Saturday was booked for shopping, as my mother swore that there was "nowhere" selling decent clothes for her to wear to my sisters wedding in June. We all emailed suggesting the major stores, which she said were either unsuitable or overpriced, and i said she MUST be able to find something - there were dozens of places down here that sold the right stuff, and we're just a small town. She lives in London! Taking me at my word, she booked th eday to find something! I sent Aggie and the kids off to Nanny A's for the day, and spent a fun morning traipsing round middle-aged dress shops. I had 6 shops on my list, she found at least one outfit in each, and finally bought the second one we'd seen.

Success achieved, we mooched around some of the show homes locally. She regularly talks about moving down here "one day", but i don't expect it to actually happen really. The homes were hopeless! We say a 4 bed house, obviously deigned for a family my size, which had a kitchen with ONE cupbord in it, and a living room which could just about squeeze a double sofa and a TV in. And that was it. You'd be hard pushed to find room to make a sandwich there, let alone a full meal for a family. No wonder no-one cooks properly any more!

I didn't get tons of sleep last night either. Although LMD had settled down, LMB was still ill, so I was pretty knackered this morning. We had promised to go out and get all the stuff for Mstr A's big fish tank which we got off freecycle as his fish had grown out of the little one. My other said she would get herself dressed and sorted out when we went out, which I thought meant she wanted a bit of peace and quiet. We were out for an hour, and when we got back, she packed up and left - without even waiting to say goodbye, which really pissed me off.

Then, to rub salt in the wound, when I came to make lunch (which for the kids was pasta, and for the grown ups was the left overs of last nights chinese, which she had shared with us, and watched me put the left overs into two bowls saying "there's lunch tomorrow sorted out") just to discover that she had sneaked half the food out of one of the bowls and eaten it already, leaving me with half a lunch:-( I don't begrudge her the food, but she knew that was lunch! grrrr Families - who'd have them?

My special day

It's Mother's day here in the UK. A traditional celebration of the hard wotk your mother does, and a day to turn the tables and look after her for a change. It's been that way for hundreds of years. Even victorian labourers and kitchen girls would get the day off from work to see their mothers.

So today, I got up at 6.30am, with the kids, leaving Aggie in bed. I made them breakfast, I got them dressed. I phoned my mother to make sure she got the basket of fruit I sent her. I finidhe off Mstr A's tunic while Aggie played on the computer - he did buy me a pair of shoes off ebay, but I'd already found them & put them on the watch list:-) I sorted out the paints for the kids to do for the morning. I made everyone lunch. I finished digging up the first half of the old play ares and relaid the first third with the new rubber chippings (we're going to need more than I ordered!). I put the washing on and emptid and loaded the dishwasher. It's now 3pm, and I'm about to start cooking supper, while watching the kids (TV is grat sometimes), and Aggie - plays on the computer after all the hard work of raking the rubber chippings to sread them out a bit. I expect that after supper, I will bath the kids, wash their hair, and put them to bed.

Now, we don't do any of the comercialised nonsense that is Hallmark cards, flowers and such like. We have always said we don't need a special day to show our appreciation/love. But, whereas that used to because such things happened occasionally anyway, now it seems to because it's easier not to bother. Not sure I'm too keen on that reasoning!

UPDATE 6pm: Aggie managed to cook supper for everyone, which was nice. And I got an extra helping of vienetta for mothers day;-) Off to bath & bed the kids now and hopefully have a quiet-ish evening.

Birthday baby

It's LMD's 2nd birthday today. Where did my little baby go? How come I have this stroppy, tantrum machine? :-)

Actually, she is just gorgeous - happy & smily & giggly most of the time. Except when she is tired. Or doesn't want to do whatever it is we want her to:-)

Anyway, I managed to cobble together a present for her last night - a book and some soft balls. She has so much stuff she really doesn't need more! And at 2 years old doesn't realise that I've told most people not to bother getting her anything;-) She also got a fantastic musical instrument set from my sister, which she & the other two adore. And my head is less keen on!

She babbled about "pressies"all the way to nursery, but refused to talk to them when we arrived! oh well. Aggie met me for lunch today which was really nice, then he went off to buy a cake. He did a fantastic job, buying a swiss roll & some choccy fingers, then making a wonderful caterpillar cake with Mstr A and LMB:-) We forgot to take photo's, so he is under instructions to do it again for the party on Saturday:-)

I've no idea how many kids are turning up to the party. None from the nursery have answered *frown* But i expect it'll be a few. Now I just need to get myself organised for it!

Birthday blues

I'm going to London today to "celebrate" my brothers birthday. He would have been 30 today, had he not died at 25! All the siblings will be there, which isn't that common nowaday's as we're fairly spread out geographically. I'm not sure if it's a good idea or not, but it's something Sister S really wants to do, and perhaps it will be a useful ritual.

I am going by coach:-( Slow & uncomfortable, but cheap! We were all going to go up for the weekend, as Aggie knew my brother for 9 years too, and I would've liked his support there. The immediate family are having a meal this evening, so he was going to babysit with Sister S's boy-friend, but now they have split up, it seems an unecessary expense and effort to traipse us all across the country.

I'll be back tomorrow evening.