Perhaps we should all be autistic
I had to explain one of the most difficult things ever to Mstr A today. Even harder than the first time I said to him "if you're not sure what to do, just copy what everyone else does" or "There is no reason, it's just the normal way we do it, and people don't like it if you do it differently", or even "everybody lies sometimes".
No, today I had to explain the concept of malice to my sweet 6 year old child. He didn't get it:-( "why would anyone deliberately get me into trouble?" he asked as I explained the behaviour of the grinning three year old in front of us (who had sucessfully got Mstr A told off for the previous four occasions I had collected him).
What do you say in answer to that? "some pople are nasty"? "some people like to hurt others"? "some people need to feel they are superior"? I don't want him to view the world like that. His absolute belief that everybody he meets is interested in him & his welfare is one of the best things about his (possible) Asbergers. The alternative is likely to be the absolute belief that everyone he meets is out to hurt him, and that does not lead to a happy or productive life.
I obviously failed to explain it sufficiently, because he just doen't get it. But it is something I am going to have to tackle, otherwise he will be unmercifully taunted at school & as he still hasn't quite got his anger management sorted out, will quickly get into shed loads of trouble:-(
No, today I had to explain the concept of malice to my sweet 6 year old child. He didn't get it:-( "why would anyone deliberately get me into trouble?" he asked as I explained the behaviour of the grinning three year old in front of us (who had sucessfully got Mstr A told off for the previous four occasions I had collected him).
What do you say in answer to that? "some pople are nasty"? "some people like to hurt others"? "some people need to feel they are superior"? I don't want him to view the world like that. His absolute belief that everybody he meets is interested in him & his welfare is one of the best things about his (possible) Asbergers. The alternative is likely to be the absolute belief that everyone he meets is out to hurt him, and that does not lead to a happy or productive life.
I obviously failed to explain it sufficiently, because he just doen't get it. But it is something I am going to have to tackle, otherwise he will be unmercifully taunted at school & as he still hasn't quite got his anger management sorted out, will quickly get into shed loads of trouble:-(
posted by Juggling Mother @ 10:52 pm
3 Comments:
At Saturday, September 30, 2006 8:02:00 pm,
craziequeen said…
This is one of the horrible moments in a child's life, made all the more momentous with A Jnr's condition, when you have to prick their bubble.
If done badly, the bubble can be burst but if done with care and love, you may just be able to deflate the bubble slightly without bursting it altogether.
As ever with A Jnr, repetition with strong support and love maybe will get the message across. Then again, next time the boy picks on him, A Jnr may remember your words and understand.
I liked your comment on my blog - but rather scary! :-)
cq
At Tuesday, October 03, 2006 9:12:00 pm,
JR said…
I had a difficult time with this with my son too. He doesn't have Asbergers, but he does have "something," just never properly diagnosed. The way I explained it was that when people do bad things to him, sometimes it's just because they're hurting and don't know what to do. We then discussed the home life of some other children, how chaotic or troubling it might be, whether or not they had enough food, sleep or even anyone to hug and kiss them. Then discussed them coming to school the next morning all upset. My son finally figured out, he might not know what was troubling the individual, but if they were setting him up or picking on him, to steer clear. Their behavior had nothing to do with him and had everything to do with what was going on inside him. Sometimes you can be nice and make a difference, and sometimes you can't. One boy teased him mercilessly because he carried fresh fruit in his bagged lunch each day. One day we got a huge bag of oranges for the bully. My son left the oranges on his desk. The bullying stopped and the teachers commented how proud this child was of this bag of fruit and offered to share it with everyone. Apparently the child never got fresh fruit, much less a lunch made by mom. It meant the world to him to have what everyone else had and he became much nicer. My son would often offer to share part of his lunch with him. Sometimes being nice can work, sometimes, not.
At Tuesday, October 03, 2006 9:21:00 pm,
Juggling Mother said…
Thanks VV - ill try explaining it as "passing on the hurt". At least it gives a reason he cn undertand!
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