The musings of a juggling mother

Rants & raves about life as a woman today, juggling work, home, kids, family, life the universe & everything.

© Mrs Aginoth. The right of Mrs Aginoth to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted in accordance with sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents act 1988

Friday, December 09, 2005

My Utopian World part three

OK, so it was going to be education today, but following an (anonymous) comment on the previous post, I thought I'd go for my controversial childcare & parenting policies instead.

Anonymous complained that as a mother I arbitarily decided that having children was a lifestyle choice, and not every womans dream, duty & absolute right (they didn't put it like that, but....). She (I am assuming they were a she), suggested that had I been unable to have children I might feel differently.

Let me state catagorically before we start. I do not believe ANYONE has the "right" to have children. If you don't like that idea (and yes I know it is against the European article on human rights), then I suggest you stop reading & come back tomorrow. I spent the vast majority of my years believing that I would never have children. It was absolutely guaranteed to me by three seperate Gynae consultants. I was fine with this idea. Aggie knew soon after meeting me that children were not an option. We agreed that IVF would not be considered. We were both fine with this idea.

I have worked with children all my life. IMHO we are failing our children, parents & society with our current policies. And the problems are getting worse, not better.

So, as supreme lord & dictator, in my world:

Contraceptives would be added to the drinking water (all houses have access to free drinking water remember). Prospective parents (PP's) would have to pass a parenting course to be prescribed the antidote. (just as an aside, to keep Aggie happy, these are specially developed contraceptives that have no side effects for either gender. Or everyone can get the implant at school, or something! Sheesh, this is my Fantasy utopia you know!)

PP's would have to be at least two people, who have lived together for a minimum of 1 year, and who have signed a commitment contract (we don't have secular marriages).

The parenting course would include information on parenting skills, dicipline, morals, ethics, and social conscience. Both (all) PP's will have to pass the final test, which would include scenarios.

If you have a child without the proper authority, it will automatically be taken into care, although you can apply to do a fast track residential parenting course, where you will be mentored by qualified staff.

Maternity leave I've already discussed. 6 months full pay, or up to 12 months full pay if a breastfeeding mother. (thats a carrot). The 6 months can be taken by either parent, or shared between them.

PP's who can not concieve children naturally will be entitled to adopt.

Childcare: all children are entitled to subsidised childcare. All employers with more than 15 employees must provide a workplace creche. Local Authorities are responsible for ensuring their are suitable places for all all children.

Congratulations if you have made it to the end of this post:-) I have often been accused of being a wishy washy, Lefty Liberal in blogland (not a title I particularly worry about!), but I am sure this will change many peoples opinion.

If you are new to my Utopia, please click the links below for previous posts:

My Utopian World Part 1
My Utopian World Part 2


  • At Saturday, December 10, 2005 9:32:00 am, Blogger Dak-Ind said…

    my basic rant about parenting and "whats wrong with children these days" (every generation gets to say that) is that people who shouldnt have children do, and people who should breed, dont stay hopme and riase their kids, they pawn them off at day cares and babysitters and televisions. my husbadn and i are not well off. we were, until we decided to have Indy, at which time i left my job and stay home to care for him. we no longer have brand new cars, and i shop sales instead of Nordstroms and Macys now, but I AM HOME raising my children. its no sacrifice, not really. i made the choice to be not just a parent, but a GOOD one.

  • At Saturday, December 10, 2005 10:00:00 am, Blogger OldOldLady Of The Hills said…

    Where do I vote for you Mrs. A??
    I have read your other posts and I have commented previously that I feel very much as you do...I agree with what Dak-Ind said above, too! It is simply appalling the number of unwanted, uncared for, un loved children there are in this country and I know in yours, too and ALL over the world! ENOUGH!!! This is criminal. (I apologize for ranting a bit....)

  • At Saturday, December 10, 2005 6:02:00 pm, Blogger Plumkrazzee said…

    Here from Michele's today, good for you for believing in (and speaking out) on something so controversial....

  • At Saturday, December 10, 2005 7:43:00 pm, Blogger Zephra said…

    I think you have some great ideas but how would you know if a mom is breastfeeding or not? I think there would be a lot of bottle feeding moms that would seriously consider lying just to get an extra 6 months. Also, it is not always possible to breastfeed. I sure did try. I just could not stand the pain of constant clogged ducts and my baby had jaundice so he was always too sleepy to eat. Then again, this is your Utopia not mine. In my utopia, breastfeeding would be a breeze.

  • At Saturday, December 10, 2005 7:54:00 pm, Blogger Zephra said…

    Oh yea, I always forget to say here via Michele's.

    I do want to add one more thing after reading the other comments. You are right. Too many parents who should NEVER have kids. But I also see so many parents that are afraid to discipline their kids. They are so afraid that the kids might be mad. Parenting means being the bad guy sometimes. I am so sick of seeing parents who spend their time placating the kids just to keep em happy. You are not just raising a child. You are helping them become productive, happy, balanced adults. And I agree with Dak-ind. I gave up a good job with great money to stay home and I don't regret one minute of it. What I do regret is how future employeers will treat me when I try to re-enter the work force.

    Wow, where did that all come from? I feel a little better now. Thanks for the rant. Mrs A, I really enjoyed thos post. Thanks!

  • At Saturday, December 10, 2005 8:00:00 pm, Blogger Juggling Mother said…

    You can tell if a mother is still breastfeeding VERY easily - see some of my Moo Moo posts. It's obvious, due to the wet patches, fountains of milk etc....

    If you don't breast feed at 6 months there is no need to not return to work. The creche can do exactly the same for your baby as you can. That's not true if you do breast feed - not even with a works creche in my experience.

    In my experience with all three, there has been lip service paid to saying breast feeding is best, but all the professionals have been desperate to get me to bottle feed so they can tick their boxes (my breasts do not have ml marked on them, I do not keep a check on the number of feeds each day, or how long they take etc) If there was an extra 6 months off available, I think a lot more mothers would fight harder to continue.

    Mstr A was jaundiced, tiny, couldn't suck & I had awfully painful blocked ducts. By the time he was 6 hours (Yes, 6 HOURS) old I had to fight to keep a bottle out of his mouth. It was a hard fight, that continued for months. It was just my personal beliefs (and bloody mindedness) that made me persevere. In my Utpia, there is plenty of incentive for mothers to fight for breastfeeding.

    OK rant over for now. I might do a seperate post on this later...

  • At Saturday, December 10, 2005 8:36:00 pm, Blogger ribbiticus said…

    wonderful! i think you just may be the catalyst that the world needs for reform. oh, if we only lived in a world such as yours...:)

  • At Sunday, December 11, 2005 2:15:00 am, Blogger mig bardsley said…

    "the final test,which would include scenarios" I like this bit...I think the training should include scenarios too, copiously.
    And I like the phrase "all *children* are entitled to childcare".
    I think I like the whole thing. I think there are points I'd argue. And I worry about the Nanny State aspects.
    But nice, very nice in parts.
    I look forward to a rant on bottle v breast feeding!

    *ibswa* I mention this only because it's the first wv I've ever been able to pronounce!

  • At Sunday, December 11, 2005 5:25:00 am, Blogger buffi said…

    Mrs. Aginoth, I do believe that you are now one of my heroes! I agree with so much (not all, but it is YOUR Utopia, not mine!) of your Utopia. But your Prospective Parent plan is simply genius. Horribly politically incorrect, but I think that may be one of the things I like best!

    And I also love all you said about breastfeeding. I nursed all of mine for over a year. The last one for two and a half years (finally weaned last month). I am weary of the bottle feeeding apologists.

    I'm so glad I found you!

  • At Monday, December 12, 2005 2:08:00 pm, Blogger ivoryfrog said…

    well extra time off from work might just get folks interested in at least trying breastfeeding cause it sure seems like telling them about the risks of formula to babies health doesn't make an iota of difference. ;-)
    Not sure if you have ever seen my posts about breastfeeding v's bottlefeeding before but lets just say I am very Pro-Breastfeeding and am all for *anything* that gets more *liquid gold* into babies tummies.
    I like your world. :-)

  • At Thursday, December 15, 2005 7:57:00 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Actually, I wasn't saying that not every woman wanted children.

    Although that's undeniably true, the point I was trying to make is that there are a lot of illnesses that aren't fatal, but make your life miserable, and infertility surely falls into that category. Nobody says it's wrong to give an old lady a metal hip because it hurts, or give a depressed person Prozac because they're sad, so why is infertility treatment considered non-essential and even frivolous?

  • At Thursday, December 15, 2005 8:24:00 pm, Blogger Juggling Mother said…

    umm, anon, it quite obviously untrue that every woman wants children. I didn't & I can find you 100's of others who adamantly do not want & have never wanted them.

    If it doesn't affect your ability to live your life, it's non-essential. Hips are essential, in most cases prozac isn't. Take it from me, I have lots of experience in the world of depression, and prozac is the last resort.

    Life throws lots of crap at you. I really, really wanted to be rich, but I got over it. I really, really wanted to be petite, but I learned to live with it. I really, really wanted to be able to wear shoes, but I'm stuck with support boots, and I've learned to live with that too. CQ really, really wanted children, but she learned to live with it (see her comment on the previous post).

    I don't consider it frivolous, just not something the state should pay for. Along with cosmetic surgery, gender re-assignment (which is just as mentally distressing as infertility) or tattoo removal. If you are that desperate, you can save up & pay for it yourself (remember I have a minimum wage & a guareateed job for everyone).

    Of course, if you left a name/URL I might understand where you are coming from better.


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