The musings of a juggling mother

Rants & raves about life as a woman today, juggling work, home, kids, family, life the universe & everything.

© Mrs Aginoth. The right of Mrs Aginoth to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted in accordance with sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents act 1988

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

How did this happen?

Wednesday again. Horaay, two children dutifully left with the professionals for the day, & LMD stuffed full of milk & playing on the floor, eating all the rubbish that I haven't tidied yet. Some time to myself (almost).

I have an exciting day planned today. I thought I might have a shower (yes, even these things need planning in advance in my world), then wander over to the supermarket to replenish our empty kitchen cupboard, then maybe have a bit of a tidy up so that I can at least see the carpet in the front room, and catch up on all the washing, and maybe sort out some of the kids old clothes to either be sold (LMD), packed away (Mstr A), or moved onto the next childs wardrobe (LMB). Inbetween feeding/changing/playing with LMD & clearing all my work emails.

Fun huh?

How did this happen?

Once upon a time I shared my life. We went to work, we went out socialising, we did the housework, we went shopping - I washed the clothes, but he cooked, so that seemed fair. We decorated & DIY'd and discussed gardening (we didn't actually do it, but we discussed it together), we bought furniture & we talked about life, the universe & everything.

Then I got pregnant. I was devestated, he was delighted. We both had plenty of experience with kids, having much younger siblings, and having both worked in the periphials of the child-care industry. We were both sure that a child would be an addition to our current lifestyle. He even said how much he'd like to be a stay-at-home dad if the opportunity arose, and I was confident that it would only be a small deviation in my expected career path.

Then I had mstr A. To be honest, in the first few weeks I would have happily given him back, but soon my hormones/instincts/emotions betrayed me & I felt maternal. Despite a number of attempts, I came to the conclusion that most of the child-care duties would fall to me. Partly because I breast-fed him, & no-one else can do that as well as me! Partly because soon after he was born, Mr A was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes, and so was still learning how to balance his insulin levels which meant he didn't wake at night, and was often emotionally volatile. Partly bexause Mstr A was demanding, and liked to be with me all the time. But mostly because I felt responsible for him.

However, once he was a few months old, I went back to work, and our lives went on. Following a slightly different route, but still on track.

Then I had LMB. While on maternity leave I worked out how much it would cost to put two children into full time care, and realised that it would be about 80% of my salary. Once you add in petrol/parking and general hassle we decided there was no point (even if we could have found a place for her), so I left employment and set up my own company, working fom home. I soon supplimented this with a 1/2 time employed job based at home too. Which is the position I'm still in now. But gradually, this has meant that I've taken over all domestic duties. Now, it's me who does all the cooking, cleaning, housework, washing, shopping, child-care, decorating, gardening etc, as well as the two jobs & looking after the kids. Mr A now goes to work, gets home from work, has dinner cooked for him, & watches TV/plays on the computer all evening. And I wonder; how did this happen?

I don't remember ever deciding to become a mum & a housewife. Or even agreeing to be one. Where did the other me go?

4 Comments:

  • At Wednesday, September 14, 2005 2:08:00 pm, Blogger Mary P. said…

    I have a friend who went through exactly the same thing. You ARE working, you know, two jobs, three if you include the children - and four if you count the housework. It's enough, one would think.

    My friend, an organized and assertive woman, called a household meeting. She had prepared a list of all the tasks that needed to be done each week, and indicated which she was doing, and which her husband was doing. There was some small discrepancy between the lengths of the lists, which her husband could not deny.

    Having it put out like that, in black and white, made it easier. They came up with a system that was manageable for their family, which also included WHEN each task would be completed, and what would happen if they weren't. The last thing my friend wanted was to have to nag her husband into fulfilling his part of the agreement.

    They were both well pleased. Looked on it as a "business plan", and, when the children were old enough, they were incorporated into it, too.

    There. For what it's worth.

     
  • At Wednesday, September 14, 2005 2:32:00 pm, Blogger Juggling Mother said…

    I hate living my life by lists. It's one of the things that makes me both rubbish at being a mum (cos I don't start to think about what to eat till it's already supper time), and great (as I'll pop out with the kids to the shop & impulsively decide to spend the day rockpooling at the beach instead).

    We've tried it a few times, and just having the list of things to do makes me want to rebel against doing them! I guess I'll have to stick with the negging solution. Mr A ought to be used to it by now:-)

     
  • At Wednesday, September 14, 2005 10:15:00 pm, Blogger craziequeen said…

    Reminds me of the evening I nodded off in my chair after a long day at work........
    I told His Nibs I was tired.....
    He said in a very exasperated tone 'you're always tired...!'

    I thought 'I wonder why' as I heaved myself into the kitchen to prepare and serve him his dinner, wash up, clean up after two cats and clean the kitchen.......

    And that's without children! :-S

    CQ

    WV - ksawfkzb...have I discovered a new disease??

     
  • At Wednesday, September 14, 2005 10:17:00 pm, Blogger craziequeen said…

    Oh, Mrs A?? The other you is still in there, hanging on for grim death.

    It's the bit that spontaneously goes rockpooling - or makes your children chuckle - or welcomes your husband's friends to your home with a warm smile :-)

    CQ

     

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