grrrrr!

we're up in london again, as i have got some work in Greenwich tomorrow. We're all up here, because my mother keeps complaining that she doesn't get to see us as a family at all, so we arranged months ago that we would all come up for the whole weekend for this course, as it's a short course with not loads of travelling time.

so i was not overly impressed when we arrived last night to be told that my mother had a meeting this afternoon and was working all day Sunday. I'm so glad we made the effort to all traipse up here as a family, and didn't waste our last weekend at home before re-enactment season starts!

This morning, sister S & cousin G came round to play. Sister S was in a foul mood & had a migraine, so cousin g played with my lot while S slept it off upstairs. They all played beautifully together all morning, then my mother decided she would do some lunch for everyone. She has a set of coloured plastic plates which the children use. Mstr A has his own cup, with his name on it. It is orange. When we arrived ojn friday night, we all had supper & mstr A had his orange cup & a orange plate. At breakfast this morning, Mstr A had his orange cup & an orange bowl. When my mother served lunch, she gave him his orange cup & a blue plate. Cousin G had the orange plate. Mstr A kicked off that he wanted the orange plate.

Now, I have explained Mstr A to my mother. I have given her the word "Asbergers", a load of documents to read, been backed up by my sister who is a Educational Psychologist, and had a long heart to heart about exactly how it affects Mstr A's behaviour & how we manage it.

My mother doesn't believe in any mental, behavioural or neurogenic disorders. she saw a five year old child shouting that he wanted a different colour plate & sent him to his room.

i held my peace, and when the girls had finished their lunch, I went upstairs, calmed Mstr A down (in about 2 minutes) and told him he could have the orange plate now as G had finished with it. he was happy, came downstairs, we swapped his food onto the orange plate & he started eating and chatting nicely.

Moments later, my mother came in with three toffee desserts, put them down directly in front of Mstr A and stated "these are just for the adults". Now, apart from the fact that there were four adults in the room (I guess Aggie either didn't count as an adult, or possibly wasn't there in her eyes), she did not bother to ask me or S if we wanted them, and I have stated, on a number of occasions, and very loudly & vehemently, that I will not ever have "childrens" food and "adults" food. My kids will be brought up to eat properly, the same as we do. in fact I have made a big issue of my dislike of the whole concept of "childrens" food many times & my mother is well aware of my strong feelings on that subject. So when Mstr a asked "can i have one of those?" I said he could have mine if he finished all his dinner.

Yes, i know it was going against what one adult had already said, but 1)I didn't want it anyway, 2)she'd put them down directly in front of him, 3)she's violated one of my most sacrosanct rules.

my mother disagreed with me, and said they were only for the adults. Mstr A cried. i said i didn't want it, so he could have it as there is no such thing as adults food. my mother took them away. Mstr A finished his lunch, & I gave him a toffee dessert. My mother stormed off in a sulk.

After lunch, the kids went and played again & I went to try and talk to my mother & explain. I started by saying I was sorry that i had disagreed with her, but I will not tolerate the whole adult/child food concept. She told me I wasn't sorry, then uttered the fairly unforgiveable line "no wonder he behaves the way he does, it's your own fault for letting him do whatever he wants".

I am really starting to wonder if there is any point in trying to make the relationship between Mstr A, myself & my mother work. We're going up again in June for my mothers & G's birthday's, but at the moment I'm not feeling inclined to make any further arrangements.