But i don't feel like superwoman. Mostly I feel like I'm not quite doing anything as well as I could/should/want to. I really miss having any quality time with the kids during the week. As nice as it is to have them yell "Mummy Mummy" when I get through the door each evening, and they come running up for a hug, I don't know how long it will last, and I want to be able to have more to do with my kids than a quick hug, ask them about their day and send them to bed. I miss being involved in their day. And they miss it too. All of them have asked when I am going to do something or other again.
But then again, when I'm at work I feel that I'm not really giving it my all - before the kids turned up my career was the major thing in my life, and I happily went above and beyond. Now work is something I do, but it gets in the way of life, and so I do not put in all that extra time and effort that I used to. I work hard at work, and do everything to the best of my ability, and I may even, occsionally work some of my lunch break (I never could get the whole hour for lunch thing), but I arrive 5 mins before start time, and leave the moment I can. In a culture of early starts and late finishes I know that i am not going to progress through the ranks quickly this time round. I suppose it doesn't help that I am not doing a subject i feel particularly bothered about. I put more effort in my last job where I could feel that my effort was worthwhile in the grand scheme of things.....
And of course, as nice as it is when my tutor compliments my essays, i also know that i am not putting in nearly as much studying as I ought to. If i did, I could get that distinction in my exams as well as in my homework, but studying has to fit in around everything else, and I tend to work on the basis that just enough is good enough.
I know the house has never been my top priority, but even so, now I'm working full time and commuting too, there isn't even the time to do the little bit I used to do each day. I have tried to explain to Aggie how to keep a house, but he doesn't seem to have grasped much of it:-) Plus, tbh, there is a fair bit he physically can not do. And that makes me feel bad that I'm not being very fair to him, because I need him to take over much of the household stuff, and I know he can't always do it - but it always needs to be done! So I get annoyed when it's not:-(
Why is life so complicated? Of course, I know the solution - I would really like to drop back down to part time, and in a subject that i feel is worthwhile. And preferably somewhere pretty close to home. But that solution is not available at the moment. Ho hum.
Oh well, here's a funny funny video stolen shaemlessly fro my brother. it made me laugh out loud, so I thought I'd put it here to cheer everyone p after my moan.