Guilt

Sorry I haven't posted for a couple of days - I've been full of guilt, and just not felt like putting my thoughts down!

I know, guilt is a pointless emotion, and I try not to get caught up in the cycle, but sometimes it rears it's ugly head in the strongest fashion & drags me down:-(

I'm feeling guilty that I've hardly been to see Aggie in hospital at all this time. I managed to go in almost every day last time, but have only seen him three times in the two weeks he's been incarcerated.

I'm feeling guilty that I went and booked our annual holiday over cousin G's birthday, and will miss her party - which apparently my mother has organised "specifically because all my kids would enjoy it" (it's a fun session in a gym club)

I'm feeling guilty because I said i didn't think we would be able to come up to London after Easter while my sister A & family are visiting. So after my mother nagged me & cajoled me, i said we would, drive straight over from our re-enactment in Wales & stay just the one day.

Then I felt guilty that there wouldn't be any room left at my mothers house for sister A to stay if we went up, so agreed not to go up there after all!

Now I'm guilty whatever I do!

I'm feeling guilty that we haven't seen Aggies Dad since he was released from hospital, and when he phoned to ask after Aggie, he sounded pretty crap.

I'm feeling a general underlying guilt that I owe my father £3k for the car we bought 6 months ago, and have not only not started paying him back, but have no idea when I might possiboe be able to start paying him.

i'm feeling guilty that I'm turning into the mother i always said i didn't want to be. the one who says "no, it's too expensive" to everything. The one who drags thousends of screaming brats around everywhere she goes. The one who just lets them grow, rather than encourages them to grow up.

I'm feeling guilty that I haven't been keeping up with all my friends and family.

i'm feeling guilty thatI'm not earning any money.

I'm feeling guilty that I'm not living the life I and others expected me to be by now.

Humph. Maybe I should just go to bed and remember, as Scarlet O'Hara said, "tomorrow is another day".