Finding me

Terry Pratchett writes that only witches are anchored in time, living firmly in the present. Everyone else's mind is either re-living in the past or dreaming about the future, causing them to miss most of what is happening around them right now. I've always had a tendancy to be the type of person who plans for and worries about tomorrow, I regularly say to myself "when the kids are at school I can...." or, "in a couple of years we will....".

There is nothing wrong with this attitude, until it starts to impact on your present life. And I've come to realise that is what's been happening. I've spent so much time telling myself that being a SAHM is only temporary, that I've neglected to live my life at all - just sat waiting for it to restart. It's part of what was making me so miserable yesterday - I had nowhere to go & no-one to talk to:-(

So, I have made the decision to relish my current lifestyle again. Life is what you make of it, and I need to make it fun! I need to relearn how to make new friends, where to go to meet people, and when to leave motherhood behind and be me for a while! I have made a start.... I'm starting a baby-sitting circle so hopefully we can get some nights out without paying a fortune. I've been chatting to one of the mum's at NCT playgroup, and she is going to arrange a girls night out each month (her brother owns most of the nightclubs locally, so she's the ideal organiser) - I can't make the first one as I'm working - but hopefully I'll start to be a regular after that. But mostly I'm going to make a conscious effort to be happy with today, rather than wishing for tomorrow.

In other news, i went to see Aggie today. he's looking much better & it was great to see him again. The ward is still closed, so the kids can't go in yet, but at least I feel happier knowing he's doing well. Thanks to CQ who has been in almost every day - taking much of my guilt away:-)