Moo Moo & Bloody moo

WARNING: Anyone who doesn't want to hear about bodily functions & how motherhood ruins your life (sex-life, social-life, fashion-life, work-life & just life-life) miss out this post.

Breast feeding is S**T. Now don't get me wrong, I'm all for it, and in fact I am a militant breastfeeder. All my babies have been/will be fed for exactly one year (here in Brit-land employers have to allow you to feed for a year & I'm damn well going to squeeze every last day out of them). I know it does really good things for both mother & baby. I know it's the most natural thing in the world. I know that bottled milk is missing most of the vital ingrediants that human beings need. I know that I'm beating breast cancer every time I feed my baby. I know that anyone who has a problem with seeing me breastfeed is stupid & bigoted. I know that I'm way too disorganised to take bottles, teats, sterilisers, milk powder etc with me when I go anywhere. I know that bottle fed babies puke more, and that it smells worse. I know that they are fatter. I know that they poo more & that its smellier. But no-body told me I was going to be a cow for five years!

When I went into hospital to have my first child, my mother gave me a dozen disposable breast pads, and told me I'd "probably need them for the first few days until my milk settles down". This was the first inkling I'd had that breast-feeding wasn't the simple, sanitary & sensible process I'd thought of.

Well that dozen pads lasted me about one day once my milk came in. Apperently I am a F****ing cow. Science tells us that your body produces as much milk as the baby needs, but whereas there are a few people who really don't produce enough, I am one who could feed half of the known world. i wouldn't mind if it was just for a few days, but LM Dark A is nearly 7 months old now & I still haven't got any kind of handle on the leakage problem. She's eating three meals a day of real food & I still dribble while watching TV! There's not a lot ickier than having a nice relaxing bath, only to look down after 10 mins to see it's turned an opaque white colour. Yick - into the shower to ensure I don't stink of gone off milk all over! And I can definitely think of more interesting ways of getting a wet patch on the bed! Although come to think of it, that's how I got into this situation in the first place.......