Open relationships

OK, i've been meaning to throw this one out into the blogosphere for ages, but other stuff kept coming up, but following a comment discussion on Cyberkittens blog, i thought I really ought to get on with it....

I was chatting to my sister a while ago and she mentioned how she recently met a colleague that she hadn't seen for nearly 10 years. they got chatting, and as you do, she asked if he was still with the same girl. he said yes, they were married now, and it was absolutely fantastic. Then he gave her "a look" and said it was an open relationship. she declined, but asked about how it worked, as she hadn't thought the relationship to be particularly stable 10 years ago. he agreed that it was quite shaky to start with, when they had a monogamous marriage, but after two years they took a break from each other, then got back together again & that's when they decided to have an open relationship. It's been fantastic ever since. Their partnership is based on friendship, trust, similar interests, conversation topics, doing stuff together etc. the sex is good, but they both like to shag other people too. there is no deceit involved for any of the parties, and everyone is happy.

Hmmm, we all said when she recounted this story. I reckon he just wanted to screw you:-) But no, she checked it out with wife, who agreed it was all above board & okay by her.

Then we talked about the idea. All the girls there could see the attraction of open relationships. It needn't take anything away from your partnership, but could easily add to it - either by taking off some pressure from the partner with a lower sex-drive, or just by keeping the sex fresh & new, or indeed, just to have some "me time" and flattery every now & then:-)

All the blokes were absolutely against the idea. They felt that "sharing" was somehow sullying them. Either by insinuating they weren't good enough in bed for their wife, or by some wierd concept of "used goods" being dirty (although most of them accepted their girlfriends were not virgins whe n they got together, and that was OK somehow).

So I wondered, was this a gender issue? Marriage & monogamy has always been presented as the female ideal, with men wanting to move on as soon as they can. (Actually, I did get the impression that most of the blokes were not against the idea of adultery - for themselves, not heir partners! How hypocritical is that? )

In this day of pregnancy control, and with so many children being brought up adults other than their genetic parents, does monogamy still have any relevance?

Having re-read this post, it seems to be saying something I didn't mean it to say, so, remembering that both my husband and mother-in-Law read this blog, I thought I'd better clarify.

When I say the girls could all see the advantages to open relationships, that does not mean we were all desperate to start one - just that we could see why some people would want them, while the men had difficulty understanding that anybody (except a "pervert) would allow that kind of thing to go on.